I Was Never Good at Sports Because My Family Never Loved Me

During a recent visit to my parents' house, I stumbled upon some old photographs. These photographs brought to light a humiliating experience I managed to erase from my memory for almost 20 years. Until now.

Upon my discovery of the photographs:

Wendy (my mother):
I think this explains your aversion to sports!
Jean: 
You mean like how I was titled "the athletic disappointment of the family" or how you guys told everyone my basketball position in middle school was "left out?" 

I truly never did fit in with other girls.

This is a photo from 1993. You might be laughing at the silliness of such a tiny child wearing such large clothes. Perhaps you are wondering who the little boy in the photograph is and what he could have done to humiliate me.

The sad truth of the matter is, this is me at my first soccer practice wearing a "Greece Boys Soccer League" t-shirt with my brother's shorts and socks. My brother is seven years older than me. A six-year-old girl in a 13-year-old teenage boy's clothes.

The story goes that my father accidentally ordered my soccer uniform and extra shorts in an Adult Small instead of a Children's Small. I did not have any other soccer shorts at the time, so my dad graciously dressed me in my brother's for practice. Along with a boys' shirt.

This is the first time I ever played organized sports. I continued playing sports until I was 17,  finally concluding I just did not care about them.

 

I remember other girls wore pink shorts to practice and had sparkly laces on their cleats.

If only I had photographs from the time everyone forgot to pick me up from practice.

I like to blame my shopping addiction and clothing obsession on attending a Catholic high school and enduring four years in an ugly uniform. I now wonder if my distaste for wearing pants or refusal to be seen in public wearing the same thing twice stems from longing to look like a girl as a child.