This gives me at least a few hours until my sister-in-law reads this, shows my brother and he tattles on me.
Mom & Dad, I'm sorry. I'll call you on Tuesday. I promise I'll fix everything.
9:30am Friday
February 3, 2012
Text to Gigi & Molly from Jean:
My level of being terrible at life officially reached a new high this morning.
Text from Gigi:
OMG hahah what happened?
Text from Molly:
Oh God. What did you accomplish this time?
Response from Jean:
Let's just say I just made the most-expensive Target trip ever and I need to figure out how I'm going to explain why my left headlight is dangling out of my car to my father.
.................................................
Last spring, I discovered a Target in the neighborhood where I nanny. In an attempt to be frugal, I went there to pick up a couple toiletries instead of paying double the price in the city. Two hours and $260 later, I left Target in a car filled with useless items. I told myself it was okay considering I no longer spent hundreds of dollars on clothes every weekend and deserved to treat myself one time.
The following Friday I needed toilet paper. My venture for toilet paper ended up another $200 Target spree.
The following Friday, I did it again.
The Target sprees continued. Each time, I told myself it would be the last. After a few months, I managed to keep the sprees under $80. One time, I even successfully walked out of the store spending less than $10.
I have a 45 minute break between going from one family I work for to the next on Fridays. Last Friday, before going to my second job, I rushed to Target for new sheets.
On my drive there, I thought about how badly I wanted a new camera. Deciding I wouldn't dare ask for a $500 birthday gift from anyone else, I would buy one for myself. In a whirl of excitement, I envisioned myself sitting at my computer entering my credit card info for a Canon EOS Rebel T3 18-55mm Digital SLR Camera. I pulled into the Target parking lot and imagined the pure joy I'd experience the day my camera arrived.
Then I hit a parked car.
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| This is the camera I no longer am buying for myself. |
I'm not really sure how I hit, or shall I say bumped the parked car.
Well, I kind of know what happened. I was really excited and in a hurry and I guess I inaccurately estimated the distance between my tiny 1994 Celica and the gargantuan SUV parked next to the empty spot I was pulling into.
I bumped the car lightly, luckily nothing happened to the SUV and no one saw me. Even though the other car remained undamaged, I drove to the back of the parking lot and parked in a corner. I assumed my car probably had a small dent from the bump.
As a teenager, my brother once told me, "Only fools assume."
I got out of my car to find my left headlight dangling out of a large crack in my bumper. I couldn't believe my eyes. I swear, that SUV must have been built with some sort of military strength destroyer steel.
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| This is why I can't have nice things. |
I started to panic. A few years ago, I probably would have called my mom crying, but after so many life failures, I can only laugh at myself. Instead of putting my parents through the news of my latest failure and enduring another lecture of disappointment, I went into Target to get myself some new sheets.
I was sort of worried I'd somehow get in trouble, even though the other car wasn't damaged. I really needed new sheets though, so I decided I'd just make it speedy in Target and pay in cash. If I made the trip quick and didn't leave a money trail, I'd be in the clear.
I quickly scurried through Target...for half an hour. The other car was gone when I exited the store. My car was broken. On the bright side, I didn't hurt anyone/anything else or get yelled at and I got myself new sheets, yogurt, a three-pack of deodorant, shaving cream, carrots, some new hand towels and a Starbucks Skinny Mocha for under $60 and made it to my next job on time!
Everything was going to be alright.
Later that day, I entertained friends with the story. I was terrified of the moment I told my parents, but everyone else found it hilarious so I didn't worry too much.
The next day, my roommate Alex and I went to the laundromat. While Alex waited for his clothes to finish, I carried a giant pile of folded blankets out to my car. As I approached my car, a giant SUV backed into it, knocking off the faceplate thing-a-ma-jig and further shattering my bumper.
I stood in the middle of the street next to my car (kind of waiting for someone to just run me over and end it all), jaw dropped, holding a giant pile of blankets as the culprit drove away.
I picked up the little Celica thing-a-ma-jig and ran into the laundromat to tell Alex.
"Well, did you get the license plate number?"
Of course not.
So there I was, sitting in a laundromat, holding a piece of my car, sort of laughing and sort of hating myself (and completely dreading my father finding out).
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| The thing-a-ma-jig now hangs on my bedroom wall as a reminder of how terrible I am at life. |
...a few days later, I went to Target for a couple items. When I got home and unpacked the 12 items I purchased, I discovered I had left the two items I went to Target for at the register. I think I need to stop going there.
